My introduction to menopause happened when I was 14 years old and we had just moved to a new city. My mom was talking and walking around in our new living room slash dining room slash kitchen circling like a caged bird. She was wearing a pink silk blouse with a loose bow and one by one she completely unbuttoned it while I was sitting there, down to her bra. Thank gawd she left that on.
Flushed, flushing, clearly uncomfortable, and laughing! She was laughing.
I also remember that her migraines stopped when she reached menopause.
And that she said “Fuck You” to me for something I did not do like clean my room or make a phone call or, as she puts it now, "something important like that" (she had never sworn at me before, nor has she since).
Her menopause was also the beginning of our separation. I was separating from her, I was becoming a young woman, discovering my sexual self and sexuality. I was coming to terms with not being a child. For her, I too was no longer a child and yet would always be her child.
Years later, she posed for a photo that my dad took when they were on a vacation in Mexico. She looked "hot", sensual, vibrant, and sexual. And this was years after menopause. She kept her 23-inch waist, decades past menopause. She did handstands against the wall, decades beyond menopause. She gave renewed energy and voice to her role as a social activist after menopause.
Now that I myself am entering the stage of peri-menopause, she is here with me, mentoring me on what to expect with menstrual stop-and-starts and its unpredictability. The end of menstruation seems like the start of it. I am grateful that she is here to gift me with her presence, humour, honesty and sage advice as I move through this hormonal and life stage transition.
We can learn about menopausal transitions from books, websites, blogs. We can learn about them from our family doctor and team of health professionals. We can learn from our family of relatives and friends. We can learn from each other.
We think we are alone when we go through transitions but that is usually untrue. Our transitions affect those around us, usually those we love the most. They impact our children, our families, our friendships. Talking about it with them can bring us closer at a time when we can feel quite disconnected.
What is the one thing you remember about menopause? What was your introduction to menopause?