dreams

The Visioning Stage of Transitions and Why You Don't Want to Skip It

In this theory of the stages in transitions, we reach the Visioning stage after moving through the previous stage, Death, The Unknown and Rebirth. We grieved our loss(es), are aware of what we are letting go of and cleared space for what’s next. We begin to feel re-energized and ready to dream our future. Visioning is a process that picks us up out of today and puts us someplace in our future, in our imaginary ideation of fulfillment. We use the right side of our brain when we vision, the part of our mind that is abstract, creative, intuitive, imaginative and sees the whole picture, rather than the left-sided linear, concrete, analytical brain.

Visioning brings into our awareness what lies deep in our core: our core values, our core truth, our creative energy, what gives us joy and peace of mind. We become aware of our intuition, paying attention to what our mind, body and spirit are telling us, listening for their whispers, shouts and aches.

Visioning is a helpful tool, especially when we find dreaming a challenge. Many of us want to get into action mode, to plan and do stuff, to feel that we’re moving things forward and accomplishing. Honouring this stage in our transition, especially when we let go of our past story and identity, and create space for the new to be imagined and intuited, is a powerful process maybe even transformative.

Emily Carr, “Scorned as Timber, Beloved of the Sky”
Emily Carr, “Scorned as Timber, Beloved of the Sky”

When Canadian artist Emily Carr painted “Scorned as Timber, Beloved of the Sky” in 1935, she was 63 years old. She wrote:

“There is nothing so strong as growing. Nothing can drown that force that splits rocks and pavement and spreads over fields...Life is in the soil. Touch it with air and light and it bursts forth like a struck match."

As children we visioned our dreams all the time. We pictured ourselves being and living our dreams. We are born with this ability to dream a spectacular future. The stage of Visioning is an opportunity to re-visit old dreams, resolve our disappointment and explore how we can fulfill their essence now.

I had one client who was going through both a career transition and a life stage transition, wondering “What’s next?” After clarifying her core personal values, I led her through a guided visioning (imagining) exercise. A clear picture came to her: of where she wanted to live, of her community and who was surrounding her, of how she wanted to feel, of what she wanted her lifestyle to be. She took gradual steps to make that vision become a reality. She emailed me recently,

“It was quite an undertaking and a huge transition. I remember waking up early one morning thinking, 'What the heck have I done?' When I doubt that I made the right decision, I remind myself about the core values that are so important in getting me back on the right path.”

It does not always happen that way. Another client going through a career transition drew a complete blank when he visioned his future self. He felt disappointed that he saw nothing, and that turned out to be a great launch pad for him. He learned about his intuition and grew it, discovering what and who resonated for him and what resonance felt like. He gradually trusted himself to try all kinds of new experiences, making choices that aligned with his core values, his passions, needs and strengths. He knew his present Purpose and built a successful business. What surprised him is that he has also grown his social network, feeling like he has found his tribe. He said, “I know it will be okay. My self-confidence keeps growing and I trust myself. I trust the Universe.”

Here are several different ways to vision.

  1. Attend a guided visioning workshop led by a life coach. There are in-person and virtual events. Check out the International Coach Federation Credentialed Coach Finder. I do offer occasional visioning workshops and individual visioning sessions, usually based on a theme, e.g. the New Year, retirement, career, health/wellness.
  2. Create a dream (vision) board, a collection or collage of images, text, meaningful quotes, poems, personal values that connect to your dream, your yearnings. It is not intended to be an artistic or crafty experience although it might be, and it will likely stir your creative and intuitive juices even more. You might want to create a scrap-book of personal visions for different aspects of your life.
  3. Write your vision in story format can be anyone who enjoys words, writing or writing stories.
  4. Write vision lists. The infamous “Bucket List” is exactly that, a list of your dreams. You can give it another snazzy title of course. I’ve tried this and it became so huge that I created categories. Then there’s Jerry Seinfeld’s take on the bucket list, “I made a bucket list, turned the "b" to an "f" and was done with it.” There’s also that.
  5. Watch films including documentaries that inspire visioning. Documentary and biographical films are great visioning tools. 15 Reasons To Live is one example. And there’s always *the* film, The Bucket List.
  6. Read books that inspire you to dream. Biographies and non-fiction like Callings by Gregg Levoy, and Martha Beck’s North Star.
  7. Notice what energizes you, makes you come alive, gives you pleasure and gives you thrills.
  8. Understand where and how intuition signals to you in your body.
  9. Travel. It’s a way to get out of your past story and identity very powerfully and see your life and yourself from a different vantage point.
  10. Be your own fortune-teller or astrologer. Look into your crystal ball or imagine your annual horoscope. What do you see? Write it down!
  11. Notice metaphors and symbols that come into your awareness and intuition, i.e. token animals.

Allow yourself to dream, intuit, yearn, create, and be inspired. Give yourself permission to dream, again.

Transitions: Old Fulfillment, Old Growth

We all have had exciting dreams, the kind that we badly wanted. Whatever it was, very often we accomplish “It”, we reached “There”: getting an education, going on a date, getting hired for our first job, earning a living, moving out of our parents’ home, being partnered or married, having a child or creating our lifestyle. We felt fulfilled. One unsuspecting day, something happens.

An event comes along and shakes our life up. Our job becomes restructured and no longer exists, our partner says they have fallen in love with someone else, our doctor diagnoses us with a chronic illness, our financial debt hits bottom and we have to declare personal bankruptcy. Something has changed in our life that topples our sense of fulfillment. It can be a shock to realize that our dream has died and our mind tries to make sense of our new reality.

Or we start to notice something. Our life, or an aspect of our life, is no longer fulfilling. “It” doesn’t excite us like it once did. Maybe it is boring or doesn’t feel like it’s such a good fit anymore. It no longer offers a challenge or sense of connection. Something has changed inside of us that shifts our sense of fulfillment.

This is the stage of Old Fulfillment. We wish we could go back in time, to go back to how “It” was. Our Saboteur voice(s) natters in our ears, tells us to stay safe, sometimes too safe. Too much caution can prevent us from moving on and opening ourselves up. That Saboteur voice activates our anxieties and worries, suppressing our confidence and courage, so many people choose to stay, if that is possible, out of fear and anxiety of what might lie ahead.

Becoming aware of what we fear about this transition can be a helpful first step. Some common fears are the fear of scarcity or poverty, loneliness or being alone, losing prestige or status, rejection, failure or success.

There is often a sensation of friction within us in Old Fulfillment where our core values rub uncomfortably against each other. For example, familiarity and stability rubbing up against challenge, vitality and growth. Which one(s) will we choose to honour?

It is during this stage that we feel a sense of disappointment, realizing that this is the end of our dream, and this is important for new dreams to be born. It is a normal personal growth process and along with it comes life experience, self-compassion and understanding, and confidence.

There is a natural cycle to the transition process. We can go through several career transitions during our work history, have several relationship transitions within a marriage, or experience various health transitions during our life due to injuries, illness, traumatic events and normal aging. There is a cyclical nature to transitions that happens because we are human beings and we are a part of nature.

By Snežana Trifunović old growth forest copy
By Snežana Trifunović old growth forest copy

We need Old Fulfillment. It reminds us of what is possible, how we have fulfilled our dreams before, that we are creative, adaptable and courageous. Like old growth forests, Old Fulfillment gives us a strong foundation for new energy, new dreams and new learning. Old growth forests have multi-layered heights and experience different stages of growth as they regenerate through natural or man-made disturbances. This regeneration is what makes them invaluable and rich with life. Being rich with life is beautiful.

The next stage in this model of the transitions process is Death, The Unknown and Re-Birth...

Climbing New Mountains: 10 lessons learned on how to reach the goal

Trekking through the magnificent Annapurna range of mountains taught me many lessons. The biggest lesson was that I had to climb my internal mountains to get there. Yes, trekking up a mountain was tremendous physical exercise but it was even more of a mental and psychological exercise in mounting my fears and doubts.

I feared injuring myself. I doubted my ability and my fitness level. I worried about not sleeping, ever, and getting sick. I worried about feeling really cold and becoming ill. I worried that I would not be able to complete the trek. I worried that I would not meet like-minded folks on the trek. So there was lots of Saboteur chattering and nattering going on in my mind.

I learned a lot about my personal Saboteur, how loud the nattering can get and how to quiet it down so that I could move forward and complete the trek:

1. Have a scheduled plan and scheduled rest stops. In order to climb higher and manage the challenging parts we had to have a scheduled plan, scheduled rest stops and scheduled “Tea and Pee” breaks as Gelu Sherpa called them. We could not have reached the top without a goal, a plan, scheduled time to rest and replenish.

2. Adjust and realign with what is happening. I got acutely sick with some stomach thing on the very first night. Projectile vomiting sick. I didn’t sleep much. We had been told the next day was “the hardest”, trekking up five to six hours.

I took a few dozen steps and had to stop often, feeling weak in my legs, light-headed and nauseous, vomiting again. As I consumed some electrolytes, our leader guide offered me two options: Return to the tea house and rest (and say goodbye to the rest of the trek), or Pay for the services of a horse to take me to the next tea house.

Of course, the horse — because continuing on was the only option. Forty-five minutes later my white horse (really donkey) arrived. And his name?

LUCKY. I got Lucky! I hung onto dear Lucky’s saddle for dear life as he mounted up and down the steps that I couldn’t manage.

Thank you good Lucky!

The next morning I woke up feeling strong and well again which was good because we had to leave at 5:15am to ascend steps for the sunrise at Poon Hill.

This is what I would have missed had I gone back:

Sunrise at PoonHill

4. Staying present is necessary to staying well. Worrying about losing my footing and injuring myself, I focused on each step - to see where I was going, to step safely and stay the course without breaking any body parts. Trekking up the mountains required strength, patience and endurance. Descending the mountains required concentration and courage (the heights!). Being so mindful of every step transformed the experience into a walking meditation. Focusing on the here-and-now, on each step, kept me grounded in every way.

5. Celebrate at the end of each day. It was exciting to meet the scheduled plan and goal for each day. Some days were easier and some were more challenging. At the end of every day we celebrated what we had experienced and appreciated the stunning views from the new tea house in the new village with the team of trekkers, Sherpa leader guides and porters.

6. Appreciate the boring parts. There were boring parts, even trekking the Annapurna Sanctuary. Until I remembered where I was, what I was doing, and what I was there for! Until I noticed the beauty and wonder in that boring moment. Until I brought myself back to being present, appreciating just being there, and being grateful for the boring parts too.

7. Prepare appropriate equipment and supplies. I needed equipment and supplies to keep me safe, healthy and well as I trekked the mountain. It was helpful to get up steep ascents and then back down safely, to keep me warm, comfortable and dry, and to keep me hydrated and nourished. We need equipment and resources to get us up the mountain.

8. We need support to get up there. It was important to have expert help from knowledgeable people. They knew the landscape and the dangerous parts. They knew when to lend a hand and when to give space so that I could do it on my own. and grow my self-confidence.

I felt gratitude to everyone who was a part of making this mountain trek possible — the leaders, the porters, my fellow trekkers, my family and friends who supported me to get there.

We need help to get up the mountain, and helping each other up our mountains is a powerful relationship builder.

9. The challenging, stressful parts can take your breath away. Climbing up 4000 feet (1200 metres) in 8 hours with wind and snow is a whole thing. Heart pounding, lungs heaving, my mind and body wondering, “What is going on here? What are you making us do? How do we breathe up here?”

Everyone was ahead of me and I did not care at all. I was getting there when I was getting there. It became clear as the Annapurna mountain air that I was not there to impress anyone.

During my numerous rest pauses, I noticed the raw beauty surrounding me: the stark rockiness of the landscape, the lack of wildlife and birds, and cloudy skies darkening as sunset approached. It was primal and I felt primal.

I also felt emotional — to be aware of my heart beating and pumping, to feel so much heart. It was a heart-felt climb.

I arrived at the teahouse and received big cheers and hugs from everyone. I had made it, we had all made it together and there was a palpable sense of fulfillment and aliveness in the space.

10. Leaving the mountain is both euphoric and sad. The euphoria of seeing such raw beauty and of getting “there” is potent. Two feet of snow had fallen overnight at Annapurna Base Camp. The morning skies were bright turquoise as we started our descent. It is a memory etched into my being.

I had no idea what to expect when descending the mountain. I had prepared for it by bringing trekking poles to protect my knees. I was ready to descend and welcome more oxygen into my heart and lungs.

And then it hit me. We were leaving “there”.  I was leaving the mountain and leaving my mountain.

I had done it. I had planned and worked hard to make this dream happen. I got up there and now it was time to leave. I could not stay up there forever. I had to leave “up there” and come back down. Coming down the mountain was unexpectedly sad for me and I was not ready for that.

I began to think of new dreams and adventures in different parts of my life - in my health and lifestyle, career, home, family and friendships. If I could reach this mountain then I could surely climb other mountains. What other dreams and goals might I vision and focus on now? New mountains await.

Each of us has our own mountain to climb. It is only ours to climb and only we can climb it. No one can climb it for us. It is on that climb that our mountain reveals our power and our vulnerability — to us.

What is the mountain you are climbing? Where are you on your climb? Just beginning to see your mountain, at the bottom of your mountain, half-way up, approaching the top, coming down on the other side, somewhere else?

A Dream Is Born

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” Dale E. Turner

A new dream was born twenty-five years ago. It happened as though a tiny kernel of curiosity popped somewhere inside me. A friend introduced a new country, Nepal, to me when he talked about travelling there for his work. He spoke of Nepal and the Nepalese people with great respect, warmth and love. It created a great impression on me that he looked forward to traveling to Nepal every year, like an annual pilgrimage.

Years later a new dream of trekking the Annapurna Sanctuary in Nepal was born. I can’t quite recall exactly how it happened. Most likely it was after seeing a photograph of the magnificent Himalayas or reading about it. I don’t recall learning about the trek from anyone — it seemed that no one from my network of friends and acquaintances knew anything about it.

The dream of seeing and trekking the Annapurna Range lay dormant for years. I came up with the usual reasons for not going through with it: “I don’t have the money”, “I don’t have the time”, “it will be too hard”, “it will cost too much”, etc. Sound familiar?

Years went by like that.

And then one day I came across a travel agency that specialized in adventure travel. They offered talks about treks, including the Annapurna Sanctuary. So I went to find out more. I learned about all kinds of things: about the land, the weather, the topography, the supplies to bring, the clothing that would be helpful, how to prepare myself for trekking and for altitude. There were people in the audience who were leaving a few months and even weeks later — which inspired me and roused my “journey envy”. I wanted to go too!

DSCN0923

 

What is it inside of us that dreams our big dreams?

Is it the desire to grow and be challenged? Maybe it is the yearning for inspiration and excitement? Or is it our curiosity being aroused and kindled? Perhaps it is our spirit wanting to experience awe? Sometimes it might be our courage daring us to be bold Our wanting to be masterful? Our wanting to leave ourselves or to leave our lives? Wanting a change? Wanting to change? Wanting something new, something unfamiliar, something unknown?

“Nothing happens unless first we dream.” Carl Sandburg

 

The birth of our childhood dreams can feel very different from our adulthood dreams. As kids, our dreams seem to be born from a magical place of innocence, wonder, naiveté and joy. Adult dreams are born from other places too; from experience, wisdom, loss, pain and even tragedy. I know that it was during my dad’s illness when I knew that this dream of mine really had to happen. Now or never.

IMG_0785

 

Is it our dream or someone else’s? Our intuition, our heart and inner voice know whether we are doing it for ourselves or for someone else or because of someone else. If we continue to pay attention to the dream no matter what, it is ours. If we continue to pursue the dream no matter what anyone says or doesn’t say, it is ours. If we keep our dream alive without others’ validation or approval, then it is definitely ours.

When a dream is kindled, it is our edge calling us forth, our soul craving fulfillment, our inner self wishing to grow, out of our comfort zone and into the fullness of who we know we are and can be.

What was the last dream you gave birth to? How did you conceive of it? Is it time for a new dream?